Friday, December 08, 2006

been gone a while....

The worst thing about getting bad news is telling it to everyone else afterwards

I havent written because nothing new had really happened I was still in pain and I was still waiting for doctors appointments.

But finally the ball has started to roll, so much so that I had a MRI and then today (technically yesterday) was my birthday and also the follow up which was billed as a surgical consult. A day I had hoped would give me a surgery date, one that hopefully would be before 2007 so that I could put the year 2006 in the dustbin of history where it so obviously belonged.

I built this appointment up in my head, even with my cynical side constantly admonishing me to be wary, I built it up as a day to be able to see the rest of my life again. I mean it was my birthday, a day that was always enjoyable if not spectacular to me for most of my life. I greeted the day with joy and even with missing a bus by mere minutes I dtill joyously said hello to the next driver in my most gregarious manner. And yes for all my antisocial tendencies I can be quite outgoing if I want to, there just has to be a conscious flipping of that mental switch.

As you can tell this is not going to end well.....

(the greatest moment of the day was my sister having her class sing happy birthday over the phone to me with all the glee and vigor every child gets when hearing the word birthday.)

Once in the examination room the surgeon comes in, sits down across from me and says "well, this is gonna be a lot more complicated than I thought....."

I look at him, eyebrow raised questioningly.
(all my hope and prayer for a speedy end to this ordeal sits on the precipice of this moment, mere seconds later they were dashed to the ground. But, for that one moment they hung there waiting)

He says, "It seems you have over 11 growth/lesions growing all down your aorta vein from the T4 to the T11 and possibly many more. I am not sure what to do, we need to send you to neurology for a consult."

As he leaves he turns back and asks are you sure no one else in your family has this?

Smirking, I said no I got all the luck in the family.

It made him laugh, and it seemed his day was going well.

I have told this story over 12 times already today and I still haven't really processed it. He gave me the MRI report; I read it over and over and it is a blur of words that I understand the syntax and the meaning of yet it doesnt seem to cross into the land of retaining the meaning.

Oh and they are selling the house we are living in currently, hence I have to find a new place to live soon. very soon.

So today was a birthday, not a happy birthday.

So if you just briefly scan the piece only the good news will pop out thus making this a happy post.... see i try....