"if you are gonna get cancer, this is the one you want....."
I sit here vicodin coursing through my veins, a slight warm intoxicating buzz surrounds my senses, but not enough to dull the pain.
The doctors aren't sure what the pain's specific reason is (shades of the accident I realize), but they believe it is probably related to my enlarged lymph node next to my kidney. No one wants to say it to me in so many words, but they seem pretty sure its lymphoma.
Now how would you know that, you ask?
Well, my non-trusting doctor skills led me to review and copy my CT scan they foolishly let me transport to my specialist appointment. And the CT scan reader proclaimed with an almost bored certainty the aforementioned diagnosis. I played that sound file on the scan, over and over and over and over.
Secondly, the specialist mentioned lymphoma as a possibility and one by one all of the other possibilities fell to the way side along with the tests that negated them. I go in for another more comprehensive CT on the fourth and see the doctor again on the tenth. Eventually they want to do a biopsy of the lymph node, but they have to make sure that the inserting needle won't damage my entangled kidney as they steal a piece. The biopsy will be the ultimate arbiter of my fate.
Much personal research was done and it seems of all the cancers you can get lymphoma is the best, with the least possible relapse chances. And it sounds like all the related words like chemo and removal of the mass apply.
So I am in that medical grey area once more full of guesses, pain, prayers, depression, and most importantly hope.
Once more into the breach........
The doctors aren't sure what the pain's specific reason is (shades of the accident I realize), but they believe it is probably related to my enlarged lymph node next to my kidney. No one wants to say it to me in so many words, but they seem pretty sure its lymphoma.
Now how would you know that, you ask?
Well, my non-trusting doctor skills led me to review and copy my CT scan they foolishly let me transport to my specialist appointment. And the CT scan reader proclaimed with an almost bored certainty the aforementioned diagnosis. I played that sound file on the scan, over and over and over and over.
Secondly, the specialist mentioned lymphoma as a possibility and one by one all of the other possibilities fell to the way side along with the tests that negated them. I go in for another more comprehensive CT on the fourth and see the doctor again on the tenth. Eventually they want to do a biopsy of the lymph node, but they have to make sure that the inserting needle won't damage my entangled kidney as they steal a piece. The biopsy will be the ultimate arbiter of my fate.
Much personal research was done and it seems of all the cancers you can get lymphoma is the best, with the least possible relapse chances. And it sounds like all the related words like chemo and removal of the mass apply.
So I am in that medical grey area once more full of guesses, pain, prayers, depression, and most importantly hope.
Once more into the breach........
posted by chris at 12:48:00 AM
2 Comments:
Damn! You just can't catch a break, can you? I don't really know what to say, to be honest. Anything 'comforting' always sound like platitudes and rarely offer any comfort. The best I can do is say I'm sorry you have to go through this when you've been through so much already.
Chris...i have to agree with Calli.....it kinda does sound like platitudes.
'cept for one thing is absolutely true: God is good....and He really is with you....thru the good the bad and the ugly. Know that lots of ppl love you and are pulling for you.
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